I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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