I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
