I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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