Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
