She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
