The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
