you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
