then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
