I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
