i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was like eating out sand paper
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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