This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
