He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
