Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
