Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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