thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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