i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
