Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
