That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
