And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
