they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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