Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
