she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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