sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
