you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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