i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Randomize
