WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
