R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
