It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
