I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
