He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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