Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
