their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
