I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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