dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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