oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
