If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
