How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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