is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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