The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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