Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
