remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
