I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
