He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
