Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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