operation harelip BJ is a go
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
