lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
