We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
