Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
