similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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