I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
