Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
