I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
