just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
