strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
