i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize