I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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