I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
