dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
