did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
