I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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