Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
