Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
