At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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