Dual....:-)
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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