The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
