Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
from now on my penis is your penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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