I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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