well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
