I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
