how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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