I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
