Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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