Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
