People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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