her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
