I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
