I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
