Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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