i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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