Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
