he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
