if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
