yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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