Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
