So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
